Together Sex The Playful Couple’s Key to Enjoying Swinging

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85out of 100Very Good

What Does it Promise

(Publisher’s comments from Together Sex is a truly valuable resource for couples who enjoy, or are contemplating, the swinging lifestyle. This is not another “true-life” story, it doesn’t extol the sexual prowess or social skills of its authors, and it doesn’t try to titillate or shock. Neither are its pages padded with lists of clubs and contacts (which are so readily available via the Internet). Together Sex simply provides a lot of useful information and advice in a serious, yet entertaining, way.

Benefits of Reading

You will learn all about the Swinging Lifestyle in a very frank and honest manner. Ed and Dana explain everything from what a swinging party is, how to decide if this is right for you, how to find other swingers. They explore proper etiquette at a swinging event. They discuss different problems, situations and issues that may come up (i.e. erectile difficulties, how to approach someone new to play with and how to handle being turned down and how to turn someone down kindly). They explore issues of safety, physical and mental. They even discuss how to have your own party and basically provide almost a shopping of list of what one would need to have in house. If that’s not enough, they share several ideas for activities for hosts and guests, plus several well thought out theme ideas if you decide to have your own party. Finally, they provide resources and a glossary of some swinging slang in case you’re unfamiliar.

Favorite Things About the Book

As a Whole Together Sex has a very friendly and playful tone throughout. Ed and Dana’s excitement and enjoyment for the Swininging Lifestyle is very contagious, which made the book very difficult to put down once I started reading. It also has real life, practical advice on how to handle different situations that arise when going to or hosting a swinging event. The information within is not just theoretical approaches or suggestions from an author who has never experienced this before. I could tell that the information was coming from a couple that has many, many years experience under their belts in the swinging lifestyle. I believe in Chapter 9, Ed and Dana mention being involved for about 52 years!!! I would be concerned if after 52 years they didn’t have anything to say or share.

Favorite Chapters

I found Chapter 7 “Physical Matters” to be extremely important and valuable. From the threesomes that I’ve had in the past, I can understand what it’s like to prepare for one of these gatherings…physically and emotionally. Suddenly it seems as though your body is under a microscope and you want it to look and function perfectly, but life is not perfect. This is the chapter they discuss how to handle erectile difficulties, premature ejaculation, and the inability to orgasm and how to focus on your pleasure while pleasuring others. I’ve read many reviews of books that paint such a pretty picture of a certain activity or lifestyle, but when real people try out what they’ve read, they’re let down because the information that was provided to them was too theoretical, too perfect and not real enough. Well Ed and Dana are honest and real about what can happen at a gathering, so their advice is very practical and very helpful.

I was so happy to read through the information in Chapter 9, “Handling Emotions.” When you’re talking about having sex with other people, especially for the first time, there’s all kinds of emotions that will probably to one degree or another creep into play. They talk about jealousy, envy, how to make realistic and fair rules for each other. They explore how important it is for a couple to NOT keep score as far as amount of partners and they discuss things like love, lust and infatuation and explain the differences among those very loaded words. This is probably one of the most important chapters that a couple should read together…and then honestly discuss. Finally, Chapter 10 “Party Preparations” is a wonderful bonus. When our girlfriend comes to stay with us, I’m cleaning and running around trying to make everything perfect. I can’t imagine the stress I would feel preparing for my first swinging party. Holy Smokes!!! However, I now know I don’t ever have to worry about that because Chapter 10 alone is worth the price of the book. Ed and Dana provide you with all the information and tips you need to make your party a success. Their suggestions are so practical and thorough, plus the extra theme party ideas just add the cherry on top to an already delicious cake.

Its Only Downfall

This doesn’t really have to do with actual content because I think this content is important, but more with placement of certain content. Chapter 2 “Trouble on the Playground” discusses the negative view and heavy politics of such a lifestyle. I found it to be an awkward and rather negative chapter in the beginning of the book. I definitely appreciate Ed and Dana’s matter-of-fact explanation of how misunderstood this lifestyle is. As I was reading it I just kept thinking that this kind of negativity so early in the book may really scare some interested couples away. Maybe if this controversial information was located more towards the end of the book, it wouldn’t have seemed so incredibly heavy to take in so early on.

Favorite Piece of Advice

In Chapter 9 “Handling Emotions” Ed and Dana are discussing Jealousy, I loved it so much that I thought I’d share some of it here with you as a sneak preview of the down-to-earth, compassionate adivce that they have to give.

“Other books and articles that mention jealousy in the context of swinging and alternative lifestyles treat it a symptom of personal failure…Therefore, our view bears repeating boldly: Jealousy is a natural and understandable emotion…As with any pain, jealousy serves the important purpose of signaling that something requires attention and correction. That ‘something’ is the relationship, not the immediate event that triggered the fear. How then, can one minimize jealousy?…To begin with, swinging is simply not for everyone. If you’re unsure of your partner’s commitment to your relationship – if you feel that he or she is seeking someone to replace you – then you should definitely refrain from multilateral sex activities until you have gotten counseling or gotten another partner. There are many ways swinging can revitalize relationships, but it can’t resuscitate dead ones.”

“The first step to reduce or eliminate jealousy in swinging is to admit that you are not perfect. We each have some traits, feelings and desires that are inexplicable, even quirky (what some would call sinful). .. So it is important to face your true self with honesty and compassion.”

“The next step is for you and your partner to discuss your likes, dislikes, fears and desires with each other. This can be daunting…You naturally worry that revealing your less admirable characteristics might weaken your partner’s support of your relationship. Do it anyway!”

“…Try to be honest and open in what you say, trusting in your partner’s love and concern for your relationship. Even more important, LISTEN carefully and tenderly to what your partner says…Be cautious not to judge your partner and don’t allow your partner to judge you. The goal is to learn about, adapt to, and compromise with each others’ desires, so that you can help each other enjoy low-jealousy sexual play – and a better relationship overall.”

“Perhaps the most important factor is patience. With experience comes confidence, both in your ability to deal with threatening incidents and in your partner’s commitment to you. Don’t expect to be serenely self-assured at your first swinging encounter, or even your forty-first.”

Does it Deliver What it Promises

It absolutely delivers what it promises with a whole lot more. I truely believe that if you and your partner, spouse, lover want to get involved in the swinging lifestyle, Together Sex paints a realistic picture of what to expect from it. It has all the information you need to decide if this lifestyle is for you and your partner, get you started in the lifestyle and prepare you for your first event, all without overwhelming you. If you’re a pro at the lifestyle, I’m sure that there’s something within that you forgot about or maybe a bad habit that you’ve developed over time that one quick read through can help you overcome. If couples interested in swinging read this book together and discuss its contents, they should be well prepared for the lifestyle and well advised on how to deal with different situations, positive and negative, when they arise.

Overall Thoughts on Together Sex

Together Sex is a great book! I can’t stress it enough. This is an extremely comprehensive, very enjoyable and totally honest book on such a misunderstood subject. It’s very informative for couples that are interested in the Swinging Lifestyle and a great read for the merely curious. In fact, I wish everyone would read this book so that the swinging lifestyle can be seen as something positive because it really can be. The tone is playful and the information is honest and frank which assists in the enjoyment and absorption of all the information without making you run for the hills or confusing the hell of out you. A glossary of slang terms and reference section in the appendices tell you where you can reach out and meet some folks or find more information. The bottom line…Together Sex is a very important tome on the swinging lifestyle that should be read and re-read several times over!

Author: Ed and Dana Allen
Publisher: Momentpoint Media
Format: Softbound # of pages: 194
Erotic or Self-Help: Self-Help
Easy or Difficult Read: Extremely Easy

Where It's Available:

  • Order Together Sex The Playful Couple’s Key to Enjoying Swinging from The Swinging Life
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My name is Ann Andriani. Since 1999, I've helped millions of folks sort through their questions and curiosities about all things sex. There are tons of adult products out there and my goal is to help you find the gems and skip the losers.

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