Reviews Criteria

As you peruse my rendezvous, you’ll see that I tend to concentrate on higher quality movies, toys for women and men, and books whose sole purpose is to improve your sex life. You’ll also notice that I do not simply state whether a product is good or bad. My feeling is, “Who am I to say what’s good or bad for you?” I share my personal opinion, but I leave the final decision up to you. I can only inform you of what I experienced, and what it was about a product that gave me that experience. I discuss the positive and negative qualities in every item that passes through my hands, legs and dvd player, because it is my goal to give you as many details as possible, so that you can make an educated decision on the next naughty item you spend your hard earned dollars on.

Before I break down my criteria into the different categories, the two main factors I look at is: Would I use the item again and is it pretty. By this I mean, did I enjoy the movie, toy or book enough that I’ll watch it/use it/read it again? And was it aesthetically appealing overall? That’s it, the rest is down and dirty details, so if you’d like to continue reading, be my guest. If not, than return back to Sex Reviews Main Menu and start your journey.

Criteria for Adult Movie Reviews

Was there a storyline? Like many women, I do prefer to have some sort of storyline to get me really involved in the movie. If the storyline’s really good, it makes the sex scenes even hotter for me. So if there was a storyline, was it a good one that ran all the way through the movie or did I get bored and feel the need to fast forward through all the non-sex scenes? If there wasn’t a storyline, did the movie, at least, run smoothly and was it enjoyable to watch as a whole?

Did the actors show any acting ability? Now, I do realize that we’re talking about adult movies, so I don’t expect as much talent as I would from a mainstream movie, but since I do tend to focus on the larger studios (Wicked, Vivid, Studio A), I do expect them to have a decent amount of talent outside of their sex scenes. So basically, were the actors/actresses annoying in anything besides their sex scenes?

Was the movie pretty to look at? By this, I mean was the movie eye-appealing for me to look at all the way through? I’m talking about sets, costumes, lighting, etc. Adult movies are way for us to escape into a fantasy world of sex, so it should all be pretty and eye-appealing. That’s one reason I don’t like amateur porn, so I don’t want an bigger bugdget porn movie to look like they skimped on a budget.

Were the actors and actresses attractive? I love to watch gorgeous, hot, sexy women. Fake breasts, as long as they’re not ridiculously large and they’re proportional to the rest of her body, don’t bother me. Large, natural breasts, within reason, don’t bother me either. I’m not a huge fan of teeny, tiny breasted women, because I’m not that well endowed myself, so I want to see something different, something larger than me. I like the men to be attractive, I know that sometimes that’s very difficult in the adult movies, but they should at least be well groomed and not hairy beasts. An example of men that don’t turn me on is Ron Jeremy…too heavy, too hairy. I do like glamourous, very done up women, but even natural beauty is acceptable. I just need it all to be pretty.

Did a majority of the sex scenes get me hot? By this I mean, I’m looking to see if more scenes made me wet than made me want to hit the fast forward button. I do realize that not every scene in every adult movie can be the sexiest I’ve ever seen. As long as I’m getting wetter than I am fast forwarding, it’s all good.

Was there a filth factor to it, like filthy talk from Tabitha Stevens or Jeanna Fine? If there is such filth, that will kick it’s ratings up a notch, because sometimes that one scene or moment alone will make the whole movie worth it. Now, I know I said that I need the actors and actresses to be pretty, but sometimes the late 70’s, early 80’s porn has a filth factor to it that allows all that hair to get by. I’m just looking at it, not diving into it.

Am I tainted by watching movies with stars I love? You’ll notice, in some of my reviews, I mention that I absolutely love the starring actress. I do my best to not be tainted by that fact. I have seen a lot of movies in many different genres and studios and can say that I like certain performers: Jenna Jameson, Chloe, Tabitha Stevens, Aria Giovanni, Serenity, because they each deliver consistently arousing performances for me. I know that if I’m watching a movie starring one of them, the movie’s not going to suck completely. Their scenes will be the one redeeming quality that did not make the entire experience a waste of time.

If it’s an instructional/educational movie, did it deliver what it promised? Did I get any new techniques or information from this movie that will or has improved my sex life? If the movie is explicit was it at least exciting or did it look ridiculously stupid? And, if the movie was soft core and non-explicit was it boring or did it keep my attention?

Criteria for Sex Toy Reviews
Criteria for Vibrators

Did it deliver enough power? I need a lot of power from a vibrator to really get off. Example, my favorite vibe is the electrically powered, Hitachi Magic Wand and I use it almost daily and it’s my choice of vibe often.

What was the noise factor? Was the vibrator incredibly loud for the situation I was using it in? Normally I’m not bothered by the sound of a vibrator or if my neighbors can hear me using it, but I do realize that’s an important factor for many other women, so I do keep that in mind.

Was it easy to use? Meaning, was I fumbling with the controls or did it take a year and a day and all sorts of tools to put the batteries in? Also, when it comes to batteries, are they easy to obtain or is it going to be a journey everytime my power runs out? Although I live in a city area, I am also thinking about those people that live away from the city where malls and a variety of specialty shops are difficult to get to. So basically, can I easily obtain the batteries in a pharmacy or supermarket?

Is it discreet looking? More women are using vibrators today and many are looking for something very discreet, in fact that’s sometimes the deciding factor. So, if that’s what the company’s trying to sell it as, I will take that seriously.

Was it easy to clean? This used to be more of a concern for me before I found Safe Suds, but now cleaning is a breeze with any vibrator.

Criteria for Dildos

Was it a nice thickness? When I get real excited, I like to have a thick dildo for penetration. A slim stick is just not enough. My favorite glass dildo measures almost 5 1/2 around, at it’s thickest point.

What was the Lube Absorbency Factor? I don’t produce a whole lot of my own natural lubrication, so does the material that this dildo is made out of absorb a lot of lube? Basically am I going to need to add a whole bottle of lube every time I use this dildo?

Was it easy to clean? Since it’s a penetrative toy, is it easy to really clean and sterilize? Do I need a condom if I share it with someone else or can I sterilize it easily after sharing?

Criteria for Couples’ Toys (Games, Cock Rings with Vibes, etc.)

Did my boyfriend and I, both, enjoy it? Meaning, do each of us want to play with it again? Did we enjoy it equally or did I find it to be great and he didn’t enjoy it at all?

Was it easy to use? Did we have trouble understanding the directions, putting it together? Did we fumble with any controls or anything?

Criteria for Men’s Toys

Since I’m not a man, and I can’t actually try the toys myself, my boyfriend of 14 years is the one who gives them a test drive for you. He judges the toys on his overall experience with them: ease of use, did it feel like what the box promised. Did it break or wear down easily? If so, is it really expensive to replace? We do realize that most adult toys are not meant to last forever and some do show wear and tear more easily than others, but did you get enough of uses out of it for what you paid for it?

I do tend to look at men’s toys from a woman’s point of view. Just like me should allow the vibrators and dildos into partner sex, women should do the same for men. So, I look for what a specific toy can do for a woman, like: Does it make an activity easier for her to do? (Example, senso lips makes hand job a piece of cake.) Is it exciting to watch him use it? Is it too mechanical looking to be either pleasing to look at or or too difficult to throw into the mix?

Books, Erotica

I mostly look at instructional books, ones that are supposed to improve your sex life. I love to learn new things and techniques and I want to help others find great sources for new techniques. So I look to see, if it delivered what it promised? Did it or can it improve my sex life in some way, either by technique, more confidence, increased sex, etc? Did it solve my problem or ease my situation?

If I’m reading erotica, I pay attention to how hot it got me and if the story moved along or if it lost me halfway through.

Well, there you have it…that’s what I look for when reviewing adult movies, sex toys and erotic books. I hope my reviews help you to better select a product. If you find you are in agreement with what I look for, check back often, because we update regularly.

Enjoy!

Ann Andriani